At times I still can’t even believe I’m in love.
Ok…for a moment of transparency, for more than half my life I thought I would never ever fully be in love with someone.
I thought that way and I didn’t have a problem with it. I didn’t see much love between “happy couples” growing up. Nothing real anyway so I couldn’t identify with real love. To add icing to that cake, I’m not even an emotional woman.
Yes I had relationships and I was a great woman in those relationships but 100% of me was never really “there”. There was always a piece of me that could mentally tap out, disconnect and not fully “fall”. Being head over hills was not my thing. There was always “something” that made me feel incomplete. It was me. I craved soul connections and we all know that’s rare. I don’t care about how much money you have, what kind of car you drive, I can care less about your network or assets. Looks don’t even impress me. I yearned for something deeper. What I’ve noticed is that people are more comfortable dealing with surface-level personalities…but I’m the type that likes the layers beneath the skin.
As I began to experience life and mature I noticed that I could always be myself around 1 person…my male best friend Derrick. I could be silly, goofy, laid back, I could speak my mind, I could relax. I always felt good in his presence. For 10+ years, he was merely a good friend. Nothing shady..that was just the homie. My safe-haven…the one I could express my true thoughts with. He accepted me, flaws and all. I didn’t have to do anything but breathe and I was perfect in his eyes.
Fast forward to year 10. After ending a rocky marriage, my best friend was right there, per usual. He listened when I needed a shoulder, he gave advice when asked, he prayed with me and for me because he cared, he was my backbone during one of the roughest times of my life. He did what real friends do, he was my rock.
One day during our many silly moments, my children came downstairs and approached us as if they were about to read us a book report. They were standing tall, smiling and poised, all professional-like. My son spoke first….
“Mom, we think that ya’ll should be like girlfriend and boyfriend. You know, date. Aren’t you suppose to be with someone who’s a good friend.”
Then my daughter followed up with…
“Yeah…what he said. We want ya’ll to date.”
Derrick and I looked at each other and laughed. I answered their inquiry by saying…
“No kiddos, we are just really good friends”.
What I didn’t mention to them was that in that very moment, I started looking at my friend differently. Feelings that I had suppressed for him out of respect rose to the surface. More importantly, my kids felt safe and loved around him. He is a good man with loads of substance. He knows me better than anyone. I was looking at my soulmate and never entertained the feelings buried inside until that moment.
That moment is when everything changed for us. We slowly took our friendship to the next level. My best friend of 10 years started macking to a sista and I was LOVING IT lol. I began receiving large bouquets of flowers at work with cute little notes attached. I started finding random page-length love letters from him around my house in places that he knew only I would find. He started sweeping me off my feet. I was like a giddy little school girl falling in love. I began experiencing feelings I couldn’t identify.
What is this!
For the first time in my life, a man connected with my heart. A piece of me was scared. I was navigating uncharted territory. The other half reassured me that he would never disrespect our friendship, therefore my guarded heart was safe in his hands.
I let that guard down and fell deep in love. I’ve never ever ever been this happy in a relationship. I wear this joy on my face daily. It literally radiates off my body and everyone notices it and have no problem pointing it out.
He is now my husband and I truly fall in love with this man over and over and over again everyday.
Who knew that best friends would make the greatest lovers!
I’m blissfully honeymooning forever!